Memories of an Essence — Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Who Wants to Work?

Marie's road back from nothing to becom- do, instead of what they couldn't do. Richmond was ing a productive member of society was possible so lively, she put Sad Marie off guard. She was as only because of the assistance of the State of positive as Sad Marie was negative. Richmond had California's Department of Rehabilitation. This her opinions, and Sad Marie dared have none. agency, funded with both federal and state funds, Richmond was her own woman, and a well put provides vocational training assistance to citizens together one at that. Sad Marie was definitely not who are vocationally handicapped because of put together at all. physical or mental illness. "Voc. Rehab.," as it is Becky was blissful now that all the plan- affectionately called, has offices in almost all ning was about to show results. She was blissful to hamlets in California, and an equivalent service is be working again with Abby, Richmond's Essence. available in every other state. Abby and Becky had worked closely together in a When Dr. Dailey first interviewed Sad previous lifetime with their respective charges. Marie in March of 1978, she had no daily activi- To Richmond, Sad Marie was a pabulum- ties, except for helping her mother take care of the faced lady with very little expression and lots of apartments where they lived. Dr. Dailey wondered tears. After asking the questions she needed for the what Sad Marie would be doing all day long, with official forms, she asked, "What do you want to no job or any prospects of one. Since she had a become, vocationally?" high school education and experience as a dental Sad Marie answered, "I want to be an assistant, she was intelligent enough to learn some interpreter for the deaf, to know sign language well type of trade. Dr. Dailey referred her to the Voc. enough to teach the deaf." Rehab. counselor assigned to serve MHS clients. Richmond sat back and thought. Some- Dr. Dailey's referral slip went to Haley times clients came to her with a completely impos- Richmond, who had recently joined the agency. She sible dream that they wanted her to help them was new to Voc. Rehab. but not to helping others. accomplish immediately. Sometimes they had no She had been a Child Protective Services worker idea what t for the Social Welfare Departments of Butte and with a reasonable, achievable goal that they could Yolo Counties, working with Hispanic clients. But she hated to be always removing children from bad home environments. After three years this difficult work, she welcomed the offer from Voc. Rehab. to work for them as a Spanish-speaking counselor. Richmond was a determined young lady who did whatever was needed to help her clients. When Sad Marie first met Richmond, she found Richmond to be a short, red haired "upbeat" wo- man, whose attitude attracted others to listen to her and her way of thinking. She was bright and fo- cused and looked on the positive side of every client. She wanted to know what her clients could

you are eligible to enroll there. We should have no get as close to it as we possibly can. If we can't get trouble getting you signed up for those courses. Let close vocationally, can we get close avocationally? me check with Doug Ince, a counselor at ARC, and If that is so, then we want to make sure that what see what he thinks of the idea." you do vocationally doesn't take away from what Sad Marie was relieved that someone took you really enjoy, what really pushes your buttons. her dream of becoming a teacher of the deaf seri- Maybe the vocation will be the means to an end, ously. She knew what it was like to be isolated which will be something else you enjoy doing more. from others because one could not hear, as she had Sometimes the job itself is the end you are looking spent most of a year that way. She felt, deep down for, sometimes it is something else that you want to inside her, that her role in life was to be a teacher do with your life, and the job is the means to that to those who didn't have the physical abilities she end. Figuring that out is one of the primary things was graced to possess. we need to do in this relationship of ours." During the next few weeks, she and Rich- To justify spending her agency's money on mond had more discussions on what might happen Sad Marie, Richmond had to make sure she met the in her vocational program. She was grateful Rich- eligibility criteria. She had to have a demonstrable mond took the time to describe how the agency disability, a functional limitation to employment. operated. Richmond explained that rehabilitation There had to be a reasonable expectation that Sad counseling was one of the most personal relation- Marie would obtain full employment. This last item ships of a bureaucrat to an individual that there is was known as the feasibility that the client could in our society. It was a "start to finish" relationship ever be employed. This was a purely subjective and a very personal one at that. She explained that judgment call. Feasibility, the "F-word," as it was there were large peaks and valleys that would called, could either make or break an application. involve both of them. Trust had to build between To get confirmation of a psychiatric them, and they both had to understand that not disability, Richmond phoned me and asked what I everyone is going to do everything right all the thought was Sad Marie's diagnosis. time. In a bureaucratic goofy way, it was like a "She's one with multiple personalities," I marriage. They would enter into a relationship, said. "I'm not sure yet how many there are, but I've each of them would learn more about the other, seen some violent and sexy ones so far, also a child each would grow and expand, and they would work one. I just started with her so I'm not yet sure what things out as they went through difficulties. The we're going to find in there. What does she wants to focus would be on helping Sad Marie toward become?" independence by gaining the greatest possible Richmond was taken aback, having never abilities she could achieve. heard of anyone with multiple personalities. She Sad Marie appreciated that Richmond was had immediate doubts about this doctor's sanity. a person who seemed different from other govern- She thought he must be crazier than his patient. ment workers she had met in the past. She focused She had never seen anything in Sad Marie like he on what Sad Marie wanted to do, not what she was describing, just a mamby pamby very dull thought she ought to do. She didn't argue with Sad lady, who was completely unfocused. She thought Marie that her choice of goals was ridiculous or that this was too far out, too hokey. It was a good silly. She just accepted it for what it was -- her story line, but it couldn't be for real. This guy must choice. Richmond was asking Sad Marie, "If you be conning this woman and collecting a fat fee for could be anything you wanted, if you could be doing it. She figured she had a kooky loony for a Queen for a Day, who would you choose yourself client with an even kookier doctor. to be? Once you make that choice, let's you and I Becky was aware that Richmond was not

ready to understand about her charge's illness. But ately communed with Michael, my Essence, and the plan was in place and had to be followed. The asked him to be sure I knew what was happening time had come for Richmond to know the whole with Richmond as she interacted with Lisa Kay. story of her charge. Becky talked to Abby and told Michael told Becky that his charge had noticed and her to watch her charge, Richmond, as the test for was already alarmed. Michael had told Abby to Richmond would soon be starting. calm down her charge, Richmond, as Lisa Kay was When Richmond met me, she found me to a "hostile psychic sister" and should not be praised be her opposite in many ways. Richmond was or found exciting. Abby told both Michael and short, and I was tall. Richmond was vivacious, and Becky she would let Richmond know this, but, I was reserved. But on one point we agreed; we because Richmond had not yet learned about her, both wanted nothing but the best for our clients, she would have to tell her during her dreams. including Sad Marie. After that meeting, Rich- Abby let them know they should not be mond's opinion of me was slightly better. I was still concerned about Richmond, that she would change, a little weird to her, and how could I have made as this was the first time she had seen anything like such a wrong diagnosis on this beaten down lady this. Richmond had found it intriguing, and that who cried so easily over everything? Over time, was all. Richmond and I grew on each other and finally Becky and Michael asked Abby to con- became a cohesive force that was strong enough to tinue to help Richmond work with Becky's charge. help Sad Marie become everything she was meant She knew that "The Creator" had laid out the plan, to become. and that they could not stop it. Becky told Abby Two months into the first semester of that she looked forward to working with her as long college, Michelle, a helper alter-personality, asked as Richmond had Sad Marie for a client. me to videotape Sad Marie and several of her Consciously, I thought, "Whoa here! Lisa "psychic sisters" so Richmond could realize Sad Kay is always trying to kill me, hates all men, is Marie really had MPD. Richmond agreed to bring ready to slash my throat, and her Voc. Rehab. a video camera to the Broderick clinic and film Sad counselor is identifying with her most of all. Marie there. Ed Hasbrough, her partner, agreed to What's going on here? If Haley is going to iden- operate the camera so she and I could do the tify with the negative part of this patient of mine, interviewing. Becky knew it was the time for I'm not so sure I want her on the case." Richmond to see exactly what was wrong with her I kept these thoughts to himself. The point charge. It was also a test for Richmond. of the experience was to persuade Richmond that With Hasbrough filming them, I called out my diagnosis was correct, and that was being those alter-personalities whom I had met so far. accomplished. I calculated correctly that this Richmond met and interviewed Sad Marie, Mary unexpected side effect was something those in Lou, Lisa Kay, Michelle, Wendy, Lynn, and Helen. charge inside Sad Marie would have to keep in All went well until Lisa Kay arrived. Richmond mind and deal with as needed. immediately seemed emotionally charged up and Becky was blissful to see that Richmond fascinated by Lisa Kay's descriptions of her sexual was not completely taken over by Lisa Kay and her exploits. The more she told of her wild days and exploits. Becky knew that, inside each human even wilder nights, the more Richmond was capti- being, is a side that wants to be reckless and to vated and wanted to hear more. have the guts to say and do anything. That was the Becky was concerned with the possibility way it was with Richmond then in her life, as she Richmond was entranced with the exploits of Lisa had some growing up to do. Kay and was going to fail this test. She immedi- Richmond had a policy of sticking to the

vocational issues in her counseling and not wander- vocational assessment. They were to look at Sad ing off into psychopathology. Her model of a Marie's behavior, the good, the bad, and the ugly, rehabilitation counselor was to say, "This is what as it pertained to interrelationships with the con- we are going to try to do. Let me know if there is a sumers and the peer groups there. Then they were problem. If there is, we will try to fix it." Rich- to let her know their opinion of her ability to work. mond carefully stayed on that one track, and she never moved into counseling of personal problems. Richmond was willing to pay them to do To her, it was like bringing up teenagers. that, including hourly pay for Sad Marie while she She wanted to let them have as much self determi- worked. During that time, Worth and her staff nation as possible so they could learn how to use it. would observe and record her behavior for their At the same time, she had to be sure they didn't assessment report to Richmond. have too much before they learned how to use it. During the counseling sessions, she began She let me do what I was supposed to do with Sad to realize Sad Marie was not a stupid person. She Marie, while she was on another track, doing what initially seemed dull, because she was completely she had to do to assist her client. unfocused. She knew what she wanted to be, as far Richmond was new to the community and as a vocation was concerned. Otherwise, she was had always enjoyed working with those involved in spread all over the map. It was hard for Richmond the agencies that could help her clients. She made to bring Sad Marie to a point. She figured that she it her mission to become acquainted with the must be a nice person to want to help people, and various facilities in Sacramento and the surround- signing would allow her to do that. ing communities. During the summer break from school, Sad During her initial visit to the Sacramento Marie was assigned to work at SRF as a reception- Rehabilitation Facility (SRF), she met the Program ist five days a week. Officially, she was there for Coordinator, Rebecca Worth. Once she became Work Evaluation, Work Adjustment, and Work acquainted with the staff there, they found they had Experience. The official plan worked out between a lot in common. They shared their feelings of Richmond and Worth was for Worth's staff to frustration about some of the activities they wished observe Sad Marie long enough so that Richmond they could do, improvements that neither of their could have an impressive report that would support employers were yet ready to allow them to make. further training expenditures. So far, she had not SRF operated a program for clients with gotten any flack from her supervisor, as Sad Marie developmental disabilities. Such places appeared to was going to a publicly supported Junior College, Richmond to be warehouses where "happy little where fees were minimal. But, for more specific campers" put doilies together. They all pulled up in training, which would involve expenditure of the big yellow bus every morning, sat down at the agency funds, she would have to be able to prove tables and did their doilies. Then, in the afternoon, the "F-word," feasibility, to become employed. If they all went home. she had proof Sad Marie had abilities to utilize, No one had thought to use such a facility while the disabilities could be identified and sched- for the mentally ill, but there was no rule against it. uled for remediation, her plan of action would fly Richmond wanted a place where she could have in her office. Sad Marie observed, where the staff would let her ****** know what was happening and how often, what Rebecca Worth was a young, vivacious kind of behavioral problems she had, what interac- woman with five years experience in the rehabilita- tions with people provoked it, what actions led tion field. After receiving her master's degree in toward her stability. She wanted a competent rehabilitation and serving an internship, she com-

pleted another year's internship in a psychiatric listening to Vicky this time. In due time, Worth hospital in Oakland, California. She then worked in was going to become what she thought she could Yuba City for a few years, before taking the job in never become. Sacramento. Although her job was to supervise the Becky told Michael to let his charge know work experience of the clients with developmental how blissful she was that the three of them were disabilities, she was challenged and intrigued by back together again, like the Three Musketeers. Richmond's suggestion that she take on this men- Becky was blissful with the arrangements at SRF, tally ill client of hers and see what they could find but she asked Michael to tell his charge that major out about her. Richmond told her that the psychia- problems were coming soon. trist's diagnosis was multiple personality disorder. Michael told Becky that he would let me Worth had heard of the disorder but had never read know this in my dreams. He would be glad when anything about it. It was a big mystery to her. his charge opened his ears to Michael, as I paid When she first met Sad Marie, she was little attention to my dreams. Michael was getting just another person to her. Worth did not have any concerned that his charge would leave his job of preconceived ideas about her. She could assign her putting Sad Marie back together before the work to any job she chose. Sad Marie appeared to be was completed. able to follow instructions and work as the center He expressed these concerns to Becky, receptionist. Worth thought that job would be the who assured him that it was alright if I left before best place for her to start, as Sad Marie would be integration was finally completed, as they could acting as a staff member, not one of the develop- finish what I had not completed before leaving. mentally disabled workshop clients. She would Becky agreed with Michael that their charges have regular contact with members of both groups, should start listening to them, but there was noth- as well as with visitors. Thus, Worth could see ing more they could do to get their attention. how she handled a wide variety of interpersonal Worth wasn't sure what she had gotten relationships in a work setting. herself in for. But she was in a defensive mode with When Sad Marie met Worth for the first her boss, and she felt a need to prove herself. So, time, she thought Worth was a hippie from the 60's instead of being cautious and taking things slowly, because she wore jeans and Birkenstock shoes. Sad she committed herself and her staff to a full-time Marie thought, "This person is not someone who evaluation of Sad Marie for Richmond and Voc. runs a program; she isn't even dressed profession- Rehab. for as long as was needed. ally. What gives here?" Sad Marie understood Still, she gritted her teeth out of fear that Richmond, but Worth was completely different. something was going to happen. She didn't know She had blonde hair and was a bit taller than Sad what that might be, but she had the feeling that Marie. Worth's mind was sharp, and she was something would blow up sooner or later. helpful and caring. To Sad Marie, Worth was It did. Sad Marie came into her office after bigger than life and attractive with her outgoing Jerry Daniels, Worth's assistant, had criticized her and helpful ways. Sad Marie was afraid she could in a way that irritated her. Sad Marie was not not live up to Worth's expectations. programmed to become angry. She could only Becky knew Worth's Essence, Vicky, as become mildly upset. It scared Sad Marie to be- she, Vicky, and Michael had worked together many come more than a little upset over anything be- times before with their charges, and each had cause then people might abandoned her. worked in concert with the others without skipping "Rebecca," Sad Marie whined, "I have a beat. Becky was blissful to finally be allowed to been working here a week now, and I have tried work with Vicky again. Worth had grown and was hard to do what I thought you wanted me to do. I

have done everything just right, as far as I could CAN'T TO DO IT! I HATE THAT MAN, AND tell. Now Jerry comes by and tells me I made a HIS ASS IS MINE! I'M GOING TO LIE IN mistake!" Sad Marie was fuming with humiliation. WAIT, AND THEN I'M GOING TO DO SOME "Now just calm down and tell me what SERIOUS HARM TO THAT BASTARD!" happened," said Worth, wondering what she had Lynn was in full form, as furious as she gotten into here. So far Sad Marie had only been had ever been. She was not about to take anything sitting at that desk answering the phone and greet- from the male of the species. Lynn pranced around ing visitors to the facility. What could have hap- Worth's office, full of hatred toward Daniels. Hdid she 0.00 rgBa000 pened that would be so upsetting? She continued to complain. "Jerry came by today and told me that he was sick and tired of hearing me talk to people the way I did. I thought I was talking just fine to people, but he said I was being rude to some of them. He even said that they might take their clients out of here if we weren't nicer to them. I've been nice to everyone who called, so I think he's way off base." Sad Marie could feel herself going under, but there was nothing she could do. She had to get out of there before Worth saw something bad happen. Sad Marie started to get up, but it was too late. Worth watched with an open mouth as Sad Marie's eyes closed for a moment, then her face became contorted with rage and fury. Little did she know that Sad Marie had done all the spouting off she was capable of doing, and her anger was now fueling Lynn, who felt men were always unfair and therefore fair game for her to attack.

"Just Who the Fuck Does That

Jerry Asshole Thinks He Is, Telling

Us We Can'T Talk to Stupid People

The Way We Did? Jerry Was Proba-

Bly Sneaking Up on Us When That

Jerk of a Father Called and Bitched

Us Out About the Bus Being Late

Picking Up His Kid! Do We Look Like

We Give a Flying Fuck? No! So I Told

That Asshole to Treat Us with A

Little Respect, and We Would Do The

Same to Him! He Started Screaming

Again at Marie, So I Hung Up! And

Then Jerry, the Fucker, Tells Us We

office until she could calm down. Worth would be to answer it. Oh, shit, what am I going to do now? out as soon as she could. Lynn hated the idea of While Worth waited, she was still shocked leaving, but it was better to leave and regroup so at what she had witnessed, and she was still shak- she could figure out how to put Daniels out of his ing but trying to appear calm. She watched the misery. Lynn went along with Reynolds, who was clock. If that doctor doesn't call in 15 minutes, she muttering her big motherly comments as they thought, I will try him one more time. Hopefully, moved down the hall. by that time, Marie will be calm. Worth was completely taken aback. She Five minutes later her phone rang, and could not believe what she had just witnessed. Worth almost fell out of her chair. It was Dr. First, it was Sad Marie a little upset, then it was Allison on the line. She thought, What gives here? somebody else, someone who was in a murderous He actually called back! rage. "This is Dr. Allison," said the voice on the When Worth regained enough composure other end of the line. "What can I do for you, to dial the phone correctly, she called the Voc. Rebecca?" Rehab. office. "Haley, Marie just went wild and I sounded safe enough, and Worth gave me really lost it. What do I do now?" she asked, in a the bad news. "I've got Marie Kelly over here for a breathless panic. "Haley, did you ever see any of work evaluation for Voc. Rehab.," she said, "and Marie's personalities?" she just blew up in my office and went berserk. I Richmond answered, "Oh, yes, it's a fright need some advice on how to handle her, or we can't to see what's in Marie. You must have witnessed keep her here." Her voice had enough pathos and one of her angry, nasty alter-personalities. It will tension in it to tell me that she was close to a total be okay. It scared me the first time I saw it. Rebec- panic, and I knew I had better help her out. ca, just calm down and get hold of yourself. Why I asked Worth to explain exactly what had don't you call Dr. Allison and tell him about it? He happened. She finished by telling me, "Marie was should know what to do next." upset, and then all of a sudden she went wild. She Oh, shit, thought Worth. A lot of good that said she was going to kill one of my staff. Then would do. She had called several other psychia- she started throwing books around my office." trists about their mutual clients, and none of them I told her to calm down. "What have you even had the courtesy to return her call within the done so far?" I asked. day. When they did, they treated her like some "I called our supply lady and had her take stupid flunky who didn't know what she was doing. her out to her office in the warehouse to cool off. She was not about to put herself into that one-down That was the only thing I could think of. She got position again. Still, she didn't know what to do mad at my young assistant. He's new on the job with Sad Marie, who was now waiting with Rey- and not very good at correcting people. It really nolds out at the warehouse, while both of them pissed her off when he tried to correct her." were expecting her to figure out what to do. Oh, "Well, it seems that you have the present shit, she might as well call the shrink and get it situation under control, then. I would expect that, over with! by now, Marie will have come back into control of She dialed the Broderick clinic number and the body, and she will probably be able to go back asked to speak to Dr. Allison. She wasn't surprised to her job. But, if you would feel safer, you cer- to be told that he was seeing a patient right now, tainly could send her home for the rest of the day. but the receptionist would give him the message. I hope you don't feel you have to, because then she That's what they always say, she thought. Then will feel like a failure at your place, and that will they forget to give him the message or he forgets be one more failure she will add to her long list.

But you talk to her, and see if she has regained started spouting off and showed the staff a bit of control of herself and feels like she can cooperate their anger. I made a few comments about why with you." each one came about, just enough to show them "Okay, I'll talk to her when we get done that there was a logical reason for a seemingly here, but what do I do if this happens again?" She illogical result. was pleading for help. The primary rescuer at the time was "I'll tell you what I can do," I continued. "I Wendy, and I emphasized that, in case of an emer- had to go over to the college and show the staff gency, they could call her out. I told them they how to handle these blowups. Why don't I come out should touch their client in the center of her fore- to your place for a staff meeting and show you head while calling for Wendy, and she would then folks the same things I did at the college?" be able to come out and take charge of the body. I Worth was taken aback by this offer. Here demonstrated this on Mary Lou, who played the was a psychiatrist, one of the high and mighty part of the angry alter-personality for this demon- doctors in town, volunteering to come to SRF to stration. meet with her and her staff. What was this world While Mary Lou was out, she asked to coming to? He had treated her as a real person, not have some special training to help her grow up. She someone he looked down upon, as the other doctors wanted to learn how to cook, read, and write. She had done. Where did they get this guy? She was couldn't learn any of that if Sad Marie was always completely floored by the acceptance she felt from sitting behind that desk out front. this man. Worth agreed to personally take charge of Worth and I agreed on a time when I could Mary Lou's training in those areas. They set up meet with her staff for a training session after specific times when they could go to the kitchen work. I told Sad Marie about it at their next ses- where Worth would show Mary Lou how to fix sion, and she agreed to cooperate as she had with simple meals. At other times, they would sit down the counseling staff at ARC. Things had worked with the reading primers, and Mary Lou could out much better at the school once they all knew improve her reading and writing skills. Worth the major players in this drama and what they recognized that Mary Lou had to learn these tasks could do should one of the angry ones act out. as her own person, as it was not possible for her to The next Thursday, I arrived at the SRF "borrow" these skills from Sad Marie. Mary Lou after work. Sad Marie was the last of the clients to was designed to learn from experience alone. be there, as all the developmentally disabled clients Once Worth had seen the performance I had left on the bus. After clearing her desk, she orchestrated and had committed herself to the joined me and the staff in the conference room. She training of Mary Lou, she was hooked. She was knew what to expect, as Becky had already talked thrilled to have met a psychiatrist who treated her it over with her and had chosen which al and her staff as real people, who wanted to help ter-personalities would be allowed to come out. them learn about this strange subject. She felt they With the staff assembled, I went through were all part of a team now, a group working my introduction of the cooperative, but sometimes together for a greater good. She had a feeling she feisty, alter-personalities, Sad Marie, Mary Lou, had been wishing and waiting for, but one she had Wendy, Lynn, Michelle, and Lisa Kay. They talked not had before. It was great! enough to persuade even the most doubtful em- Within a week, the training came in very ployee that they were very different people in this useful. Lisa Kay had noticed that Daniels, Worth's one body, hard as that might be to believe. Not assistant, was young and attractive, and she had only did they talk, but the "hostile psychic sisters" her eye on him for conquest. That he was one of

the persons who was expected to write a report could ask her to operate the body at that desk for a about her for Richmond never entered her mind. He while until I can get this mess straightened out." was an available male. Therefore, he was a worthy Worth promised to try that approach. She target for her amorous arrows. also told me Sad Marie had done so well working However, Daniels was not interested in around their disabled clients that they had invited being seduced by an alter-personality of one of her to stay on after her evaluation period was their clients. He tried his best to keep his relation- completed. Sad Marie could attend school and ship with Sad Marie, and therefore with Lisa Kay, work at SRF during the fall semester. I invited strictly professional. It was hard to be calmly Worth to come to my office the next time I was to proper when Lisa Kay kept batting her eyes at him see my patient in Broderick. Worth was intrigued and making crude proposals that they meet after and excited about the invitation. work to "have some fun." At that session, I investigated the reason It was difficult for him to tell Lisa Kay, for Sad Marie's suicide attempt. Wendy explained "No" one moment and then have to carefully and how Daniels had shown little tact in dealing with politely correct Sad Marie the next. With all of Sad Marie's alleged faults, and Sad Marie again them being so sensitive to criticism, it didn't matter felt put down by a man in a position of power over what he said to her. Whenever he expressed any her. But there seemed to be more to it than just an comment that was not flattering, she took at as inept young supervisor. I knew such an overreac- another unfair criticism. tion usually meant a new persecutor al After one of these interactions, Sad Marie ter-personality was moving to center stage, and I had had enough of what she considered unfair and had better make her acquaintance promptly. Then rude criticism. She had been preparing for suicide I would know whom I was going to deal with for a long time and had secreted a couple of her during the next series of crises. prescription pill bottles in the bathroom there. As Becky often warned me in this way. Just as soon as she took the pills, Wendy came out and I was finishing therapy with one of the active told Worth what had happened. Worth immediately hostile alter-personalities, she would push out the dialed her psychiatrist. next one in line for my attention. Becky would "Dr. Allison, Marie just took an overdose make sure this new one got upset over some small in our bathroom. She's okay now, but Wendy told issue, so I would have to call her out to find out me about it, and I had to call you. What do you why Sad Marie exploded over such a minor prob- want me to do?" She told him which drugs she had lem. In that way, I would be ready to face the new taken. She also told him about the romance Lisa one just as I finished converting the previous Kay had tried to develop with Daniels, and her persecutor alter-personality into a helper. decision to separate the two during the working When I asked Wendy to let out whoever day. was becoming more active, she faded, to be re- "Rebecca, from now on she won't be placed by a new and angry alter-personality I had getting any more of those pills from me, if I can't never seen before. She identified herself as Veron- trust her with them. At least she took the two ica, and she proudly announced that she liked to together, as one counteracts the other. But I do cut up men. I cautiously questioned her about why have an idea. she liked that method of assault upon my fellow "I recently met a new personality, named masculine members of society, and she explained. Pat. She's a helper personality who seems to be "Doc, you remember when Marie's father able to have a positive relationship with men, was molesting her at home, around the age of five? without feeling seductive or threatened. Maybe you Well, that was when I came out. I just couldn't

stand by and let him do it anymore to her. I picked now. Also, she had no conflict dealing with a man, up a knife that was on the table and let him have it! the doctor, who had not been in her life at that I cut him right in the back, but I must have hit a time. That was the most amazing thing, that this rib, 'cause he just screamed and jerked away. I lady could combine these two situations, her past hoped to get him in the heart, but he was too fast employment and her present therapist, in the same for me. scene without any mental conflict. Becky had "You remember that time when you brought back the younger Marie, the person who thought Lisa Kay cut your thumb with a razor existed at the desired age. But this younger Marie blade? Well, that was me. I decided that it was time was also able to accept whoever was in her present to announce myself with the asshole boyfriend of day world, which included the doctor and people in Wendy's, but you got in the way." his office. What an amazing thing this human mind I remembered that combat situation very was! clearly and was glad I had Sad Marie's purse in the When I understood what lay behind my closet at this visit. Before I could get any more patient's problems with authority figures at work, history, she faded and was replaced by Sad Marie, I age progressed her to the present time. At that morose as ever. point, Lisa Kay came forth to give me a piece of A week later, Worth joined me for one of her mind. my regular therapy sessions with Sad Marie. We "Dr. A, I hope you don't think for one discussed what had upset her at the SRF and minute I'm going to sit around and let Marie and discovered that Lisa Kay had been coming out too Mary Lou get all the attention at that fucking often for anyone's comfort, propositioning the center, do you? I have rights, too, you know. I males, and snapping at the clients. I decided to age think it's about time that Rebecca paid some atten- regress her back to earlier working times, when she tion to me, or I will cause major problems, and you had a job as a dental assistant to an orthodontist. know I can do it, too," That was the first of her work experiences after "What are you talking about, Lisa Kay?" high school, and I hoped it would show us a pattern I asked. of how she responded to the stresses of the job. "They've got Marie answering the phone The orthodontist had given Marie conflict- and busy meeting someone most of the day. Mary ing instructions, which she could not handle, since Lou is learning to read and cook. But what the hell she felt vulnerable to criticism any way she be- am I supposed to do? You assholes pay no atten- haved in the office. As a result, Lisa Kay came out tion to me unless I come out and try to be friendly there, too, and did her best to sabotage the job in my own way. Then you get angry at me for situation, with hostile jibes at males who resisted being friendly. It's shit, I tell you!" her advances. Lisa Kay had no skills at solving the I scratched his head and wondered what we problem of how to deal with inconsistent instruc- could do to solve this problem. Here we had one tions and turned to seduction or threats of violence alter-personality being jealous of the attention paid to deal with all problems. This, of course, cost to the needs of two other alter-personalities. What Marie her job. did Lisa Kay need? As she watched this age regression session, I asked her, "Lisa Kay, what could you Worth was captivated. Here was her client, a possibly want to do at the facility?" grown woman, moving back in time, as her doctor "Doc, you know that they have a whole had instructed, and reliving events of years ago. printing plant there, where they make up posters Not only did she remember them, she was and signs and such? I've been looking at it, and I re-experiencing them as if they were going on right bet you I could learn how to work those machines

real well. Why don't they give me a chance to work favorite dish, French toast, as Worth had taught on the printing press?" her how to cook it. I gladly agreed to come eat I looked over to Worth to see how she was lunch with her and the staff members, so we could reacting to this request. discuss plans for her future. "I don't see why not," said Worth. "How At their next visit, Wendy was very dis- about scheduling you for two hours a week at the turbed when she came out. Lynn had gotten very printing press? Would that help?" upset at Sad Marie for being friendly to a man at "Yea, that would be okay, but I would also the facility and sharing phone numbers with him. In like some time in Occupational Therapy. I've been retribution, she smashed up their bedroom, and Sad watching those folks in there working on their Marie had to clean it up. When she arrived at the paintings and metal work. It looks like the sort of clinic for her appointment, Lynn tried to cut her stuff I could do, too. Can I have some time in wrist with a razor blade. Wendy stopped her and there?" gave the blade to the clinic receptionist, who gave "Of course, Lisa Kay," answered a relieved it to me. Worth. "How about another hour a week in OT for I decided to let Lynn talk out her anger in you? That would be about as much time as we can the office, and she stomped around the office spare Marie away from her desk. Would that be spouting off about how she was going to kill Sad enough to keep you from bothering the men on my Marie for letting herself be vulnerable to those staff?" She was hoping against hope that this wild assholes she kept meeting. To Lynn, all men were plan would work. She had nothing to lose by assholes, no exceptions, ever. trying. What she didn't know was that Lisa Kay I tried to use logic and reminded Lynn that had no interest in printing or OT. What she was her original function was to protect Sad Marie interested in were the men who were assigned to from harmful men, not to harm Sad Marie herself. those two areas. In spite of my best attempts at persuasion, Lynn "Yea, that would be okay. If I can have marched angrily around my office and threw a time at the printing press and in OT, I'll behave batch of books from the bookcase onto the floor. I myself, I promise. I just want to be treated just like finally got her to sit down by the desk, and then I the others. I've got my rights." saw her arm reach for pen and paper. She was Both the doctor and rehabilitation therapist going to do automatic writing, regardless of what agreed with her, glad to have that weighty problem she wanted to do. solved. The note read, "Talk to Marie as she is A few days later, I saw an angry Lynn in happy and wants to share things." It was signed my office, but she refused to talk about what was "V." I was relieved that some help was on the way. going on at SRF. The only thing she would divulge Not knowing who "V" was, I asked her to was that she was lying in wait for Daniels to make write more to explain who she was. The hand a move before she would destroy him. I kept trying wrote, "My name is Virginia. I have been hidden, to find out what Lynn had against Daniels, but all but find it is safe enough to come out if Dr. Allison she would say indicated it had something to do with wants." the fact he wore a beard. What she wouldn't say I called out Virginia, who told me she was was that Marie's drunken stepfather had worn a now 23 years old, but had started when Marie was neatly trimmed full beard. age 10, when Marie had suffered a broken nose Then Mary Lou came out and invited me during a fight at school. Virginia identified herself to come to lunch at the center with her and the as a helper alter-personality who took over to calm staff. She promised that she would cook me my down such difficult situations. She had a piece of

advice for me for the next time I faced Lynn. scared and couldn't do anything at all? Still, she felt "Dr. Allison, there is a way you can get reassured that Marie's psychiatrist was there and Lynn under control," she said. "Here, let me show available. The other physicians she had dealt with, you." She then put an index finger below each of including her own father, were very impressed with my eyes and her long finger above each eye. "If being physicians. Dr. Allison was a person first you will put your fingers like this, above and below and a physician second. He was not like the others Lynn's eyes, you can make her stop hurting any- she knew who couldn't see there were other profes- one." sionals who made it all work. She could see that "Thanks, Virginia," I said. "I'll try it out Dr. Allison had the capacity to see how it could all the next time I see Lynn. Please come out at the be put together as a package. That impressed her. facility. You need to work out with Rebecca how A time came when Worth had to use the you are going to cooperate with Wendy and training I taught her that day. One of her staff Becky." members reported that Lisa Kay was trying to Virginia had some more advice for me. seduce one of their male clients. Worth went to her "When you see her next, just let Lynn talk out what and said, "Lisa Kay, you better stop it right now. she is upset about at the facility. She needs to get We don't do that kind of stuff around here." it out of her system and discharge the anger she is Lisa Kay screamed at her, "I'll do anything holding in." I damn well please!" I asked to talk to Sad Marie next. After we Worth said calmly, "We'll see about that." had discussed what she was doing at the facility, I Worth put her right hand on Lisa Kay's asked to talk to Lynn again. She arrived still full of forehead and started calling for Wendy. Her hand anger, but, as she talked out her concerns, she was shaking, but she was determined to deal with mellowed in tone and behavior. Her major concern this problem and do what she had to do. was that Sad Marie would never be able to marry Lisa Kay screamed back, "No one's going again, after she had had such a terrible time with to call for anybody to take over from me, 'cause I'm her husband. She was more concerned about Sad not going to do it!" Marie becoming an old maid than anything else. Worth said right back, "Dr. Allison said it Her energy finally faded, and she appeared will work, and I want Wendy out now!" to be ready to leave without any help from me and Suddenly, the eyes closed briefly, and my fingers. Before she left, she wrote me a note, Wendy was there. Worth looked shocked and saying, "I, Lynn, will not touch those pills at all. asked, "Who is this?" That is my word. [signed] Lynn." I felt safe this Wendy said, "You asked for me. I'm here." time prescribing the refills for her usual medica- Worth now knew that I knew what I was tions. doing, and she also knew she wanted to be a psy- During the training session I held for the chotherapist, too. SRF staff, I showed them how to touch any "hos- On Friday, Worth called me after Lynn tile psychic sister" in the center of the forehead started waving a knife around the facility. Sad while calling for Wendy to come out and save the Marie had been irritated by several people trying to day. Worth had watched while I demonstrated on talk to her while she was busy with some paper- Mary Lou, all the while thinking that she could work at her desk. Since she couldn't handle her never do that. She didn't want to touch her client's anger at them, she let Lynn loose on them. This head. What if she got a bad guy out? What if she time, Worth had had it with such dangerous behav- pressed on the wrong place? ior. In spite of her personal affection for Sad She didn't want to do that. What if she was Marie, she had to set limits. This time she warned

Lynn that any more knife waving would mean Lynn had been acting up and causing a great deal goodbye for all of them. She let me know she had of commotion inside. Becky told me that the con- taken all the risks she could afford to take. stant noise at the office caused Sad Marie to flash The following Monday, I interviewed Lynn back on the continuous arguments between her and Lisa Kay to get their story. I emphasized that parents. This, combined with the nasty internal Worth had no more slack to give them, and Lynn words of these three hostile alter-personalities, was wrote out an agreement that she would wave no getting intolerable for her. Becky asked me to more weapons at the facility. She knew that she consider hospitalization so that the "people" inside had better behave, or they would all suffer the could be calmed down. consequences. I decided to try something in the office Sad Marie came out to complain about her instead, to see if Sad Marie could gain control on weekend, during which her mother had gone gam- her own. I put three chairs against the wall and bling at Lake Tahoe without warning. Sad Marie called Sad Marie out. I told her to go into enough was angry her mother had disappeared without of a trance so that she could see Jack, Gwen and notice. This was a repeat of many previous similar Lynn each in a separate chair. She reported that situations, but this time Sad Marie had been able to they were staring angrily back at her from their keep the anger in herself, called the SPS, and chairs. I told Sad Marie to imagine shackles around talked it out with the volunteer. She was able to the ankles of the three troublemakers. She did and avoid activating another alter-personality. told me when the shackles were in place. I told her Lynn then came out to talk about her own to have each alter-personality stand up and try to anger, which stemmed from when Marie had been walk toward them. When she did that, she saw that sexually assaulted at age 10 by three teenaged none of them could go anywhere. That test proved boys. She would not talk about the details, but a to her that she could control her creations. mellow Lisa Kay filled in details. I decided to take it one step farther. I asked The next one to come out was Helen, the Sad Marie to put handcuffs on each of those in the student. She was irritated while working at the chairs. She balked, becoming frightened. Once she facility because a staff member told her she had showed fear, each of the "villains" came out and made a mistake on some paper work. She was sure talked through her, telling me that what I wanted she had not, but this was a replay of an incident in could not be done. They were challenging my school, when a teacher and her lab partner had both ability to teach her how to keep them in control. criticized how she was preparing her lab report. While Jack was out, I tried to undercut his When she turned it in, she got an A on the report, energy system by telling him that Sad Marie was since she had been right all along. We talked over no longer angry at him (the real Jack) because she the various ways of dealing constructively with now knew what his life was actually like when they such misunderstandings at work or school, and she were both in kindergarten. Jack told me it was a lie, agreed to take it up with the staff the next time she and I told him to check inside and find out for was there. In this way, she could prevent holding a himself. Jack disappeared inside, checked around grudge against anyone, and they could realize how and came back out. He now knew I was telling the to avoid such misunderstandings. truth, but he still didn't believe me. Soon afterwards, Worth called me with an When all three had had their say, Sad urgent request I see their mutual client quickly, as Marie returned and I persuaded her to put hand- she was getting very agitated at work. Sad Marie cuffs on all three of them. This time she agreed and complained of constantly hearing yelling in her did so. I told her she could let them go back inside head. When I saw her, she told me Jack, Gwen and her mind, but now they would not be able to get out

and create any trouble for her. two parts together first. But I didn't know how I The next day, Worth called me from the was going to do that. facility. Sad Marie still complained about the noise First, I had to get an agreement from the going on inside her head, and she had loosened the angry Gwen that she wanted to change. When I shackles on the alter-personalities. I discussed with called Gwen out, Sad Marie was grieving for her Worth various ways she could reinforce the desired recently deceased grandmother. She was beginning imagery, and she agreed to do her best there at the to see that physical life was finite, and she might as facility. well spend some time being happy. She agreed it When she called back a few hours later, would be a good idea to change her ways, but she Worth reported that she had followed Virginia's didn't know how. advice to have Sad Marie revisualize the three Then I touched her forehead and asked to alter-personalities and reshackle Jack. She had also talk to the friendly Gwen, who made her appear- shackled Veronica, who had been left out the first ance. I told her to imagine in the chair next to her time. In addition, she had suggested that Sad Marie the boys who had raped her and Marie. I asked her visualize a tape recorder in the room with the four to explain why they did it, but she had no answer. loudmouths, set to record. In that way, whatever I asked her to do the "mind reading" routine, to go they said would only be recorded on the imaginary into the boy's minds, hear their thoughts, and feel tape, and she could play it back whenever she their feelings at that time. By paying attention to wanted to later and only have to hear it bit by bit. their thoughts, she discovered they had not been I congratulated Worth on a creative solution to a able to get any sex out of their girlfriends, they complicated problem. Now I knew she would make were mean, and they hated the girls. She now felt a fine therapist. that the boys and their girlfriends were equally At a future session, I decided that it was responsible for the boys wanting to rape the two time to deal with the Gwen alter-personality. When girls. I asked Gwen directly, she let me in on her secret. Once the responsibility issue was clear, the At the time of her creation, Gwendolyn, a neighbor way was cleared for Gwen to integrate with Sad girl, was Marie's best friend. The same boys who Marie. But first she had to "integrate herself." I had raped Marie had also raped Gwendolyn, who tried to get the pleasant Gwen to give the nasty then developed a hostile Lesbian alter-personality. Gwen a big hug and absorb her into herself, but She was normally a friendly girl, and now she she wouldn't do it. I called out Becky to see what showed the opposite traits when the alter-personal- was wrong. ity took over. Marie and Gwendolyn experimented Becky told me my present plan would with Lesbian activities. She felt guilty about these eventually work. But the pleasant Gwen could not sexual behaviors, even though they never were do it because of all the fire coming out of the nasty caught and chastised by adults. Gwen. She suggested I try it in the reverse direc- I talked to this Gwen alter-personality tion. about sexual experimentation by children this age, I called for the angry Gwen. I had her helping her come to terms with what was going on visualize the pleasant Gwen in front of her. I asked at the time. She listened carefully, but she couldn't the angry Gwen reach out and bring the friendly change her mind at that moment. Becky came out Gwen into her bosom, and the integration of the and told me Gwen was going to think about what I two parts of this alter-personality came about. She said, but she wasn't quite ready to disappear. was then ready for integration into Sad Marie when At the next session, I knew if I was to the proper time came. integrate Gwen into Marie, I would have to join her At the next visit, I age regressed Sad Marie

to the age of five and talked to a little girl who puzzled expression on her face. hated her father and believed he would rather have Then Mary Lou asked Worth if she would had a boy child first. She knew she had to be a boy be her new mom. She was her mom in her dreams, to make her father love her, which was her motiva- and she had helped her to learn to cook, read, and tion for creating the Jack alter-personality in the write. Isn't that what a mom does? Also, a mom first place. I, who had three beloved daughters, cares that her child is doing good and only wants talked about how wonderful it was to have daugh- the best for her. Mary Lou hoped Worth would not ters. I told her that she should accept the fact that start laughing. Mary Lou continued and asked she was a girl, and she need not change her sex to Worth, "Please think about it, but please, please get her father to love her. I hoped this would BE MY MOM!" further undercut the need for Jack to exist at all. Worth was surprised to hear what Mary During all these escapades, Worth was Lou had the courage to ask of her. But Worth had patiently teaching the young Mary Lou how to never been married. How could she be a mom to an read, cook and do other domestic duties she wanted adult woman who had many alter-personalities in to learn. Mary Lou came to love Worth as her her? How could she be Mom to this person? What mom, and she proposed Worth be her new, adopted would it imply? What was she going to have to do mom, after I accepted the role of her new dad. if she accepted? Worth helped Mary Lou grow, and Mary Worth needed to talk to me to get guid- Lou loved Worth so much. Worth was the mom she ance. She had to find out if I indeed had agreed to had secretly wished she had so many times late at become Mary Lou's dad. How does one agree to night when the fighting and yelling was going on at such a thing? What was Worth going to tell Mary home. Her mother did not like her, but Mary Lou Lou right at this moment? Mary Lou was waiting could never understand that. She thought that after for an answer. Worth had to give Mary Lou some Father killed Bonnie, her dog, Mother would stop kind of answer. hating her. But anything she did displeased her Worth said to her, "Mary Lou, I am very mother even more after that. flattered by you asking me to become your new How Mary Lou wanted a new mom and a mom. But I need to talk to Dr. Allison to find out new dad. She finally got her new dad in me and if he agrees and what I would have to do. Do you discussed with me who could and should be Mom. understand?" When she told me her choice was Worth, I agreed Mary Lou felt her heart was going to break with her and hoped Worth would think the same because she was sure Worth thought she, Mary way. Lou, was being silly. But that was not true. Inside, She was so scared to ask Worth. In their Becky told Mary Lou to let Worth talk to Dr. reading class, Mary Lou started talking about how Allison. children needed good parents, and how she didn't Worth phoned me. "Mary Lou just asked have good parents. She kept talking as Worth me to become her new mom. She told me that you listened. Mary Lou finally told Worth that she had had agreed to be her new dad. Is that true?" asked Dr. Allison if he would become her new "Yes, I agreed to become her new dad," I "dad," and he had agreed. replied. "In the past I have found it necessary to Mary Lou explained to Worth that she had find a new set of parents for certain MPD patients, told Dr. Allison whom she wanted to be her new but this was the first time I couldn't find someone mom, and that he said she should ask that person else who was qualified. So I agreed to be her new privately. Mary Lou stopped long enough to look dad and still be her therapist. I hope it works out, at Worth, and Worth was looking at her with a but I didn't see any other option."

"But what does that mean to you and me?" This was not something she had to do. This she asked. was something she was invited to do, and she could "There are two basic terms," I answered. set it up in any way she felt would work. No, she "The first is that you love her in the same way that had never been a mother, but she had never been you would love your natural child. That is a state married, and so the opportunity had not been hers. of feeling, not a set of actions. Whatever actions But she knew in her heart that she would be a good you take depends on the total situation. But all you mother when the time was right. have to do is be there and be someone that she What could be wrong about practicing knows loves her for who she is, and who hopes she motherhood with Mary Lou? Here was a perfect will improve as well. You do not need to do any- situation where she couldn't fail. As Mary Lou had thing specific. pointed out, she was already acting the motherly "The other term is that you have to realize role with her. She was only being asked to formal- that the contract is for the life of both parties. If ize the role of adopted mom. She was not asked to you are not ready to enter into a lifelong contract, take a baby home and feed, clothe and house her tell her so now. But, if you do accept, you cannot from infancy. If she insisted, Mary Lou would not resign when you change your mind. be involved in her personal life outside of work. "On the other side of it, you can set any She didn't want anyone to tell her what to do there. terms you want. What I insisted upon is that she do "Okay, doctor," she finally said, her voice nothing to interfere with my natural family. They calm and decisive. "If you can do it, with those come first, especially when I am at home, off duty. terms, I guess I can, too. I'll go back to Mary Lou She agreed to that. She has to develop her own and tell her I accept her request, that I'll be glad to social life with her own friends. I am not a part of be her adoptive mom from now on. I hope you're that. But she can call me to ask questions any right about this. I've had no reason to doubt your grown daughter would ask her father, and I prom- judgment so far, and I will have to trust you on ised to answer them to the best of my ability. You this. But I never expected to get into this much should set the same sort of practical limits on her involvement with a client when Haley brought her behavior. She doesn't want or need anything from to me." you in the social world. All she needs to know is "I know how you feel, Worth," I said. "I that you love her as you would any daughter you never expected it either. But at least I've had four might have. Can you do that?" kids to practice on, and they have all done well. If There was a pause on the other end of the I can't be a good dad to this new one, I don't know line, while Worth let the idea soak in. She could see who can." the practical nature of the plan. Here we have a "No, I guess not, but this is all new to me," part of a person who had never felt the love of her Worth said. "I've never had a child, but this is one natural mother, for whatever reason. She had never who will take care of herself for the most part. I'm basked in the glow of appreciation for what she sure glad you're her therapist, Doc, because, if you was, so that she could flower into womanhood, weren't, we'd be in a real mess by this time!" knowing that her parents cared for her, and wanted Worth called an excited and anxious Mary the best for her, whatever that might be. Now, she Lou into her office. Worth spoke of the agreement was reaching out to the two individuals in her life Dr. Allison had with her regarding his becoming who seemed best able to do that, and Worth was her dad, and she asked her if she remembered what one of them. The doctor had seemed reluctant to that verbal contract was. Did she remember she accept the role of Dad, but he had set limits he was not to interfere in his personal life or cause could handle. problems with his family? Mary Lou clearly

remembered the terms of the contract. boss. Mary Lou didn't want to hear that. She just Worth then told Mary Lou she would love knew that it was her fault, that she was a bad to become her new mom if she would agree to the daughter, and Worth wanted to get away from her. same conditions she had for Dr. Allison. Mary Lou Finally, Mary Lou blurted out, "YOU was delighted and said she would agree to all the ARE NOT MY MOTHER ANYMORE!" She conditions. Mary Lou and Worth hugged. Mary bolted out the door, heartbroken. Lou had her new mom. Becky called me from the facility after Mary Lou was now complete. She had her hearing the sad news. She told me that this news mom and dad, and she was part of a family. Now had triggered in Sad Marie a replay of the breakup she was someone who was lovable and wanted. Her with a best friend, Carol, when they were both new mom and dad loved her just the way she was. living in Sacramento. Becky told me that she Mary Lou did not have to bend over backwards to thought they should deal with that past event soon, get her mother and father to love her anymore. She so that Sad Marie could then deal with Worth's was needed and wanted and, most importantly, leaving on its own merits. loved. When Becky arrived at the clinic, she Becky was blissful that the plan was explained the relationship with Carol and Sad finally in place and accepted by these humans, even Marie. "Carol had been her friend ever since they though the humans never knew why they were were in grade school together. Carol married Pete asked. Becky and Faith decided not to let anyone right out of high school, but they didn't get along else in on why it was important for the child, Mary well and were separated after a couple of years. Lou, to have her mom and dad in place at that During their separation, Carol was involved with a special time. They knew the time was coming soon high school boy, Gary, and Marie was her only when the Original Personality was to emerge, the confidante. Carol was always upset about what she next necessary step for Becky's charge to achieve was doing, but she didn't know how to get out of it. complete mental health. It had taken a long time to Then, when she finally decided to go back to her bring the plan into force, and even longer for it to husband, she dropped Marie, and wouldn't even be acted on and accepted by these human beings. talk to her after that. It really hurt Marie, after all Becky was blissful and let Faith know all was she had done to help Carol through the hard times. going as planned. Faith told Becky the CIE knew I don't know why Carol broke off with Marie." how well events had gone, and she should continue I decided to go to the source. I asked to as she had been doing, as all was working as talk to the Marie who had known Carol, and she planned. obligingly came out. I asked her to visualize Carol In October of 1979, Worth decided to in the other chair so she could talk to her and find leave SRF for another job. She called Mary Lou out why she broke off contact with Marie. into her office and told her about her plans. She At that point, Lynn came out and said, promised Mary Lou she would stay in touch with "Doc, I'm not about to let you do that. I know why her because she was her mom for her lifetime. Carol refused to have anything more to do with Mary Lou cried and screamed, "Everybody Marie, and you don't need to ask her." leaves me, and they never stay in touch like they "If you're so smart, Lynn, what was her say they will! You won't either! You're like all the reason?" I challenged her. rest! You will just leave me and never see me "It's just that Carol learned all the things again!" about Marie's problems because of how close they Worth tried again to explain that she had were. Anybody would break off with Marie if they to leave because of the constant conflicts with her knew all that about her. It's as simple as that."

Lynn's reason didn't quite ring true for me, I knew I would have serious difficulty but, since I knew nothing about the reason for the getting Sad Marie to believe any of this. I would breakup, I had to play it by ear. The first thing I never have believed it myself if someone had told had to do was to get Lynn out of the way and get in me the same story. I asked "Carol's Essence" to touch with a more reliable informant. repeat what she had said to me into my dictating "Well, if you're right, Lynn, then don't machine. Sad Marie could then listen to the voice interfere," I said. Once she had said her piece, of "Carol's Essence" on the tape. Maybe that would Lynn retreated back inside. convince her she was not the bad person Lynn was When my patient's eyes opened, I couldn't telling her she was. Carol's Essence agreed. tell who it was. This one didn't seem familiar to I put a clean tape in the recorder and me. As usual, I asked, "Who is here now?" handed the microphone to Carol's Essence. She "I am the Essence of Carol, Marie's old repeated what she had said to me, phrasing it as a girlfriend," came the emotionless answer. "I am to direct statement to Marie. She added, "Carol Carol what Becky is to Marie. I was there while thought you were a nice person, Marie, but she Marie was helping Carol through those hard times, didn't want to have anything to do with you in her and I really appreciated her support. It was very new life because of your mental problems. She just kind of her to stick by Carol when she was making didn't need anyone else with problems in her life so many mistakes and ending up so miserable. right then. But she didn't tell you that then because Carol became very dependent on Marie, since they she didn't want to hurt your feelings any more than were together so much during such a difficult time she already had. Her main reason was that she felt in her life." she had to sever relationships with everybody who This whole conversation was a mind had been involved with her when she was separated bender to me, even though I had hoped for some from Pete. She wanted to start over with all new clues about what Carol had been thinking. I was friends who would know her as Pete's wife." used to getting such information from my patient With that message taped, Carol's Essence "reading the minds" of the others in such relation- took her leave. When Sad Marie came back in ships, but I had never in my wildest dreams ex- charge, she listened to the tape with surprise. She pected to talk directly to the Essence of another accepted the idea that these two relationships were person via my patient. Will wonders never cease! quite different, and that the reasons for the separa- While I had the chance, I figured I might tions were completely different. Doctor and patient as well take advantage of it. Who was I to turn both sat there, amazed, and wondering what would down the chance to ask questions that needed happen next in this strange relationship. answers? Both Worth and Larry McDougall, her "Then what happened to their relationship other assistant, had decided to quit working at when Carol went back to her husband?" I calmly SRF, and Sad Marie was most distressed. I met asked, as if I talked to the Essences of strangers with Sad Marie, Worth and McDougall. She every day. presented three hostile, mur derous al "After I had talked to her long enough ter-personalities, but they were counteracted by about the mess she was making of her life, she Virginia, the helper. With Virginia present, they decided to quit seeing Gary, the teenaged boy- worked out a plan that would allow Mary Lou to friend, and go back to Pete, her husband. Once she continue coming for cooking and reading classes made that decision, her life started improving, and four hours a week at the facility. McDougall would she broke off with all her friends from that scene, handle her work-study program at ARC, and Sad including Marie." Marie would maintain some sort of contact with

Worth after she left the facility. This discussion up at that station, and none of the al with Virginia was recorded on tape and played ter-personalities could get the money. That was just back to Sad Marie when she calmed down enough one example of how she used her creative skills to to come back in charge of the body. I agreed to make the plan work. pass the word onto Richmond at Voc. Rehab. the She had a variety of supervisors, and she next day. learned something from each one of them. She was Shortly after Worth left her position, able to pick traits up from each of them that she Richmond accepted an offer to move north, where wanted to emulate, and she worked on copying she could promote into a supervisor's position. Sad those into her own personal bag of tricks. She was Marie was reassigned to another vocational coun- able to succeed at a basic level well enough so the selor, Marcelena Gutierrez. She was not at all like "F-word," feasibility, was not as big an issue as it Richmond and did not believe anything in the file would be for someone who was struggling coming about Marie's problem being MPD. Becky had up with a great enough number of satisfactory known for some time that Richmond would be cases. leaving and that her charge would be "thrown into In that way, she could do what she thought the lion's pit," as far as Voc. Rehab. was con- was the real mission -- providing vocational reha- cerned. But I had just about finished my part of the bilitation services to people who wanted to go to plan, which was to integrate her charge before I left work. Whether they had severe disabilities or Yolo County. The integrated Marie was then left not-so-severe disabilities, she didn't discriminate. with Gutierrez, whose Essence was new to the job She invited them in, made them welcome, and did and had not grown with experience. Since there whatever she needed to do to help them on their was nothing Becky could do to change the plan, way up. Gutierrez finally released Marie from Voc. Rehab., Over time, her way of seeing clients gradu- as she could not meet the expectations Gutierrez ally became the approved way of the agency. For had for her. Marie dropped out of sight, from the one thing, she tailored the rehabilitation plan to the point of view of that agency. client. Obvious as that might seem to the outsider, Over the next decade, Richmond moved up sometimes counselors expected the impossible from the bureaucratic ladder, while living in a small disabled clients and ignored the possible. town environment. She had always felt that the At the time she worked with Sad Marie, mentally disabled were discriminated against by the proper diagnosis was one of the critical eligibil- everyone in society, including her own agency, and ity criteria. Richmond was convinced that no that the primary reason was that nobody seemed to rehabilitation counselor could make any kind of a know what to do or how to do it. Therefore, people diagnosis -- the individual relationship made the made up reasons why they shouldn't do anything at difference. What was needed was basic caring and all. understanding faith in the individual client. She felt She was a creative lady who loved trying that if she communicated to someone that she out new ideas, and Sad Marie had been one of the believed them, and she thought there was room for clients she practiced on. One example was her growth, then they could do it. It didn't matter if it method of giving Sad Marie gas money to go back took a lot of time. If they took 700 baby steps, that and forth to college. If she had given her cash, Lisa was as good as one big step. Kay would have used it for drinks at a bar and a In the earlier days, Richmond had to work motel room afterwards. So she created her own against the official agency stand that the diagnosis voucher system for Sad Marie at a local discount was most important and the disabilities could be gas station. Any time she needed gas, she could fill assumed from that diagnosis. But now her point of

view has become the accepted standard of the positive experience with Richmond behind her, agency. Now when applicants come in and tell a Marie reapplied for vocational rehabilitation counselor they have a disability, the counselor services at the Sacramento office, where her thick accepts that as where the person is. All they need to chart was pulled by the present counselor, Jane do is to contact someone who should have a valid Nichols. All the history of the MPD diagnosis was point of view, such a counselor, a doctor, or a in there, but Marie no longer suffered a vocational school psychologist, and take their word that this disability from that problem. person has that condition. If that information is Nichols certified her to the Limited Em- enough to write up a plan, fine. If not, then they get ployment Assistance Program (LEAP). The six to know the person well enough to help the client to acceptable categories of disabilities were orthope- make the best decision. They now give the client dic, visual impairment, mental retardation, hearing the lead. No longer do they tell a person that the impairment, amputation and learning disability. agency knows what is best, so sign on the dotted Since Marie's two recent back surgeries had left line and just go along with their plan. her with a residual orthopedic disability, she was Voc. Rehab. has moved out of the qualified for that program's benefits. Nichols sent maternalistic model, and now says to a new client, her for training at the EBM Business Institute, "What do you want? Okay, how do we get there?" where she learned WordStar 5.0 and Lotus 1-2-3 If the client doesn't know where they want to go, on the computer. She graduated fourth in her class the counselor can throw a lot of experiences at of 25. After graduation, she applied for the govern- them and let them choose. Because of the federal ment Office Assistant I & II (OA I & II) jobs, Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA), they are which required general office work and typing finally realizing that people with mental disabilities skills. Nichols supplied certification forms that the have brains, and that they are going to be much Department of Rehabilitation considered her a more actively involved in a plan if they feel it's disabled person as part of LEAP. their plan. If they feel they own the plan and want After applying for several jobs, she was to do it, they will believe in it and think it is a good called in for a rating interview. She was rated third, idea. fourth, or fifth for the positions she applied for. Because she was so chagrined about the Two weeks later, she was called in for an interview lack of her agency working well with persons with for one of the jobs, and she was hired. She was an mental illnesses, she developed an apprenticeship OA I after a probationary period of nine months, program for people to learn on the job, similar to and then she graduated to an OA II level. She has what Sad Marie did at SRF. She developed Memos been steadily employed ever since. of Understanding with all the private and nonprofit **** agencies in the area so that her clients could go After I had seen how well Worth related to there for work experience and get grounding in Lisa Kay, I took her aside and said to her, "I can what they wanted to do. They could "shake the see that you have missed your calling. Instead of bugs out," and develop some competency in basic working all day long with the kind of clients you work habits. To her, the more she acknowledged have at SRF, you should be a psychotherapist. You the abilities of the clients, the more abilities they already have the skills and personality to do what were going to find in themselves. I have been doing all day long, and maybe better *** than I do. All you need is to get the proper training After the integrated Marie's divorce from and credentials." her second husband, Becky felt it was time for I had never before seen someone who was Marie to get back into the workforce. With the such a natural therapist. I didn't want her native

talents to be wasted anywhere else. There were few an egotistical physician. She upgraded her self enough innately talented therapists around, I knew, image and changed herself from a scared, shy little and she was one of them. I couldn't let her waste girl who was ashamed of herself to an elegant, her time doing anything else. sophisticated lady who was quiet and dignified. Worth listened but could not believe her After several poor choices of male companionship, ears. Here was this not really high and mighty she married a co-worker at the hospital, and be- psychiatrist telling her that she should change came an instant stepmother to a developing young careers and spend her time doing therapy with the lady. mentally ill. Sure, she had thought of that briefly All this time she was fascinated by men- on occasion, but it was only a fantasy, and fanta- tally ill people, but scared of them, too. Her ther- sies don't come true, do they? Maybe for some apy was really her own search for herself, trying to people, but not for her. But he really meant it. She find the bits and pieces of herself here and there, in knew me well enough by this time to know that I different people. Her psychotherapy supervisor told didn't kid around about such things. She knew I her she should have been an archeologist, since she was concerned about the quality of the people liked to look under rocks. She was intrigued by the working with the mentally ill. After all, I had given shadow side of people, the dark and gucky side. courses at the American Psychiatric Association One of her favorite movies was "Silence of the meetings and in Sweden, too. But to think that I Lambs." thought she was capable, much less talented, at Her experience with Sad Marie and Dr. doing my kind of therapy -- that was too much. Allison made complete sense to her. She could see But she was at a crossroads in her life, how a woman could have some horrible trauma both personally and professionally. She knew she when she was little, and a part would come and could not continue as she was, since she seemed to take care of her. To see it unfold in front of her be forever fighting one bureaucrat or another. As a eyes was incredible to her. She didn't understand it rehabilitation counselor, she was destined to for- intellectually at first, but she did comprehend it at ever work in someone else's agency, always plug- an intuitive level. ging along while someone else made the decisions Mary Lou was right when she told Worth whom she worked with and what she was to do she would not keep in touch with her as she had with them. It would be a welcome change to be her promised. Worth's personal life was a mess at the own boss someday. time, and she had to make many changes. She was After leaving Sacramento, Worth took a sure Sad Marie would die by suicide, and she didn't job in a private psychiatric hospital in Northern want to be a part of that. So she fell back on one of California. She returned to school and earned her her basic defenses, cutting off contact with old MFCC license. She worked part-time at the hospi- friends and not letting anyone in on her new life. tal with inpatients and part-time in her own office, For the next 13 years, she made no attempt to find seeing patients for individual or group counseling. her "adopted daughter," and Marie had no idea She didn't seek out multiples, but she did specialize where she was. in persons with histories of sexual and physical Becky knew the plan had to be followed, abuse. but it had to wait until all parties were ready to get Worth also decided on her own self im- back together. The time was right only when I provement program. She became active in a weight gained the inner strength and resolve to read my reduction program. In psychotherapy, she worked copies of Marie's clinical notes and then locate her. hard on her own problems, many stemming from When I did, the plan was put back into action, her own difficult teenage years as the daughter of where all had left off 13 years before.

When the integrated Marie married her had now come full circle. The family that was second husband, she tried to find Worth, to invite planned so many years ago to help the original six- her to the wedding. But she couldn't find her. I had month-old Marie grow is now a reality. Each kept in touch with Worth with my Christmas member of this unique family leads separate lives, letters, so I knew where she lived. When I first as each has his or her own family to consider. Each contacted her, she took several days before she member of this family is one with the others when dared answer my letter. they are together. Each can call the other, and Becky knew her charge was agitated at the Marie can call when she needs a Mom's guidance prospect of meeting her mom again, the one who or a Dad's acceptance. Becky and the others knew had left her. Becky knew Marie now was able to this family would be complete one day, and that handle the situations that were coming along, but Becky's charge, Marie, would benefit from the love neither Mom, Dad nor Daughter would have been and support of this unique family, as each person able to deal calmly with each other before then. in this family has a special need that is fulfilled by Becky was blissful to commune with Vicky and the others. Michael again. Becky and the CIE knew that each person Marie had to explain this to Worth, who in this unique family can grow and help each other. felt guilty about deserting her, as Mary Lou had Marie has a family that most take for granted. She predicted. Marie could understand about feeling has a warm, loving Mom and an understanding guilty, as her whole life had been one long guilt Dad, and she still thanks Becky, Faith, Hope, and trip. But Marie had come out of that valley of Charity for their wise counsel in finding the Mom despair and no longer let guilt feed on her. She and Dad she now has. tried to explain to Worth that life is too short to let guilt rule your life. When Marie and I finally showed up on Worth's doorstep after 13 years, Worth could not believe her eyes when she saw the present day Marie. Actually, she had never met the original Marie, who had only come out in my office after Worth had left town. Now Marie was a woman who was trim and well groomed, focused on her project, emotionally stable, and holding no grudges against her. As these two grown women who shared a common past talked, the barriers came tumbling down between them. Worth and Marie found each other, and Mom and Daughter are now a unified pair. The guilt that Worth had is now dissolved. Mom and Daughter have found their way to each other and will feel their way through the relation- ship as it grows and matures. Each is happy to have found each other. Mom, Dad and Daughter -- the family is now complete. What was planned by Becky, Michael, Vicky, and Marie's CIE, Faith, Hope, and Charity,